Spare Room mattress winner announced!

Posted June 10th, 2014

The volume and comedy value of the response to our latest competition has been OVERWHELMING!

We've had some absolute crackers in answer to the following question:

How do YOU get guests who have outstayed their welcome to move on?

Faked contagious diseases, swingers' parties, releasing of hounds (!)...you name it, we've heard it.

But the most fantastically creative was Kate, a lady with a plan.

"I would give them the twelve days of get-out-of-my-flat-(mas):
Day 1: Rise at 6am and set the music (probably something from the late '90s) blaring through the house
Day 2: Turn off the electric. Energy-saving, you see...
Day 3: Climb into guests' bed in the middle of the night claiming pathological fear of the dark. Tearfully beg for cuddles.
Day 4: Naked Lunges Day
Day 5: Announce new career as magician. Take to performing bad card tricks and trying to saw guests in half.
Day 6: Hire a pet snake for the day (part of the new magic act, naturally)
Day 7: Return snake but keep empty cage and declare in panicky voice that 'Sammy' has escaped
Day 8: Sing (in high, tuneless falsetto voice) the entire 'Wicked' soundtrack. Repeat.
Day 9: Insist on watching old recordings of 'Big Brother: Live' (where they sit around on the sofa doing nothing all day long)
Day 10: Start scratching all over while saying, "Funny, I thought we'd got rid of all the bed bugsā€¦"
Day 11: Use makeup to apply red, blotchy "rash" to entire body. More strolling around nude can be applied here for a final flourish.
Day 12: Surely there wouldn't be a twelfth day?"

Well played, Kate. Enjoy your new Spare Room mattress. Please try not to emotionally scar anybody...