The volume and comedy value of the response to our latest
competition has been OVERWHELMING!
We've had some absolute crackers in answer to the following
How do YOU get guests who have outstayed their welcome
to move on?
Faked contagious diseases, swingers' parties, releasing of
hounds (!)...you name it, we've heard it.
But the most fantastically creative was Kate, a lady with a
"I would give them the twelve days of
Day 1: Rise at 6am and set the music (probably
something from the late '90s) blaring through the house
Day 2: Turn off the electric. Energy-saving, you
Day 3: Climb into guests' bed in the middle of the
night claiming pathological fear of the dark. Tearfully beg for
Day 4: Naked Lunges Day
Day 5: Announce new career as magician. Take to
performing bad card tricks and trying to saw guests in half.
Day 6: Hire a pet snake for the day (part of the
new magic act, naturally)
Day 7: Return snake but keep empty cage and
declare in panicky voice that 'Sammy' has escaped
Day 8: Sing (in high, tuneless falsetto voice) the
entire 'Wicked' soundtrack. Repeat.
Day 9: Insist on watching old recordings of 'Big
Brother: Live' (where they sit around on the sofa doing nothing all
Day 10: Start scratching all over while saying,
"Funny, I thought we'd got rid of all the bed bugs…"
Day 11: Use makeup to apply red, blotchy "rash" to
entire body. More strolling around nude can be applied here for a
Day 12: Surely there wouldn't be a twelfth
Well played, Kate. Enjoy your new Spare Room
mattress. Please try not to emotionally scar anybody...